Thu., Apr. 5, '07 @ 1:16 am
I can’t stop crying. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. I feel like I betrayed her. I made her last hour frightening as hell; she hates car rides, the vet, it’s all scary. And that’s what I did to her. I know she was suffering and I "had to" put her down. But I’m sick. I feel a knife in my heart and one in my gut and it never goes away. I betrayed her. I killed her. I scared her instead of holding her at home in bed. I can’t stand it.
kw: moleskine artwork drawing sketch sketchbook
Very sad for you.
The guilt is part of the grief - a horrible thing which you don’t deserve to feel, and which you won’t feel forever. You did what was kindest. Hugs.
Comment by E-J — Thu., Apr. 5, '07 @ 11:17 am
Lauren, I’m so sorry for your loss, I feel like crying with you…Sasha knew she was so loved and she was happy.
You are in my thoughts
Ronell
Comment by Ronell — Thu., Apr. 5, '07 @ 12:49 pm
I feel so terrible for you, but it was the best thing. I wish I could think of something less lame to say.
Comment by Casey — Fri., Apr. 6, '07 @ 12:17 pm
I’m so glad you’ve posted again, I’ve been wondering how you were doing. There are support groups for dealing with pet loss grief. I did a quick google check and found this site http://www.pet-loss.net/
I remember the last time we had to have a pet euthanized, the vet’s office had a pamphlet with information for a grief group if we wanted to get in touch with them, your vet may have the same or similar information.
Comment by Brenda — Sat., Apr. 7, '07 @ 11:33 pm
I am so very sorry to hear about your beloved kitty. It is so hard to make the decision you made - it’s necessary in order to be merciful, but it’s a gut-wrencher to decide and to do. My cats also hate the vet, and they don’t understand, but you did what you needed to do at the time. Things do get less painful and guilt-ridden with time. We have had to help 4 of our cats pass on and it’s terrible to go through. I hope you will begin to remember the good and sweet times with her and know that she loved you in return. The pet loss website at http://www.petloss.com/ is a good one - you can write a tribute and read other people’s thoughts too, which is helpful. Take care. Peace. Mary
Comment by emma pod — Sun., Apr. 8, '07 @ 9:37 pm
Please accept my deepest condolences. There is no easy time or way to let go of the little furry ones, whatever the reason.
Comment by r.e.wolf — Mon., Apr. 9, '07 @ 9:24 am
I suspect you acted in love for your kitty. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a kind and loving soul.
Comment by mARTa — Mon., Apr. 9, '07 @ 10:22 pm
I had to put my cat down earlier this year. i understand your grief. i found the EDM support so wonderful. I made a journal of my grieving time. Sooty was a black cat and I don’t know how to draw her.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
Comment by Susan Hosken — Wed., Apr. 11, '07 @ 1:00 am